Chapter 8: Walking Through Walls
A Journey of Addiction, Healing, and Rediscovery
Day Eight: Saturday August 23rd, 2003
The more I delve into deciphering the ‘cracks’ from the Earth, the more I realise that it also acts as a radio to contact what music is already swimming around inside of you.
Although complex in its nature of melody and chordal progression, it is impossible to hear a stitch between the notes that form the melody. The melodies are seamless and therefore easy to sing or recognise for someone who is non-musical. This reminds me of The Beatles - everyone can reproduce their ‘top line’ tunes without much difficulty. But the arrangements, chord changes and measures in their songs are often quite complex. I have transcribed and unlocked half of the music from my first two cracks. Eyesight not clear, I decide to go and change my glasses.
Had a medical check this afternoon. All in working order I am happy to say.
Phra Jan has let me use the empty room above our sleeping quarters to use for writing, because it’s sometimes hard to concentrate with everyone around all the time. I go up for at least 2 hours and finish all the words and music to the first verse, bridge and chorus. It’s the best song I have written in ages. It’s called The Rattle and sounds like me perching on the shoulders of John Lennon, Kurt Cobain and Jeff Buckley.
I already hear the drum parts, the power chords and all the electric jazz/folk picking like falling stars into this symphonic soup. I must finish the whole song today though. As I sang it from start to finish for the first time, the heavens opened and more rain than I have ever seen started pelting down. Very cleansing, I thought.
The Rattle
I’m tired of a busy mind, it’s killing me
To look and look and never find
The trigger on the will I need
I’m doing balancing acts on a tightrope,
I’m done damage
I don’t know why I’m here at all
‘cause next to me I know there’s a working bridge
But I’m shaking like a rattle snake
So I make a promise that I’m gonna break
I didn’t ever really stand my ground
I’m clucking like chicken soup
My sex drives on the move
You think I would have understood by now.
But I’m rattling like a snake, I’m rattling
I’m battling for a break, I’m battling
I’m rattling like a snake.
Seven seasons lost at sea, you know
When you calculate the cost
You can’t believe you let them go
So if you’re never gonna see them again
Don’t make the chase
Pack a year into every day
And feel your heartbeat start to win the race.
But I was swallowing the storm
I clean forgot that I was even born
The day the devil came to make a claim
It’s all go and I can’t get going
I never do what I can’t help knowing
And there’s no one else here to take the blame.
And I’m rattling like a snake, I’m rattling
I’m battling for a break, I’m battling
I’m rattling like a snake
Yes I’m looking to the East to see a sunrise
Take my plateful of disease, I want a love life
And when she’s around the corner
Give me eyes in the back of my head
So no matter which way I go I won’t miss her there
I won’t cry for my rattle, I won’t cry for my rattle
T.M. Arnold 23/8/03
Phra Hans comes in and gives herbal tablets to those who want them for sleep. I have no problem sleeping but I have some anyway just in case.
Phra Jan has given us a Buddha statue for our sleeping quarters and lots of incense. It is nice to brighten up the room, with something to focus on other than all of us loonies sprawled out on our beds.
I support these organisations who are shaping a system change to integrate mental health awareness and well-being into the music industry. Please do read about their work.
The Creative Well
Music Mind Matters
Waterbear College of Music