Chapter 5: Walking Through Walls
A Journey of Addiction, Music, Healing, and Rediscovery
Day Five: Wednesday August 20th, 2003
Woke up and had a nice time today, about 7.30 am. Had some eggy bread which I have taught the Thai chef in the kitchen to make. She asked me to teach her because when I made it the other day, everyone else asked for the same. All craving for a bit of home. D says I have ended up becoming somewhat of a commodity for the Brits here.
They are getting bored of listening to the same music on their Walkmans, so they just ask me to play whatever they want on the guitar, plus they get to eat whatever they want now that Malee (the chef) and I are getting on like a house on fire, exchanging recipes and languages! The vegetables here taste a hundred times better than in England. I’m enjoying feeling useful. I’ve asked her if she can get some potatoes tomorrow so I can make chips for everyone.
Everyone mucks in at 11am to do sweeping, then at 3 o’clock we do vomiting, (earlier this time because we have about 100 visitors spectating). There must be something about performing in front of people, because I did the best puking I have done since I have been here, and I have to admit it felt great to get the huge round of applause at the end. The new guy from France had a tough time getting the last of the medicine out, but he got there in the end. After a shower, I play ‘Non, Je Ne Regrette Rien’ for him, which he enjoys.
I am almost sickening myself with how many amazing thoughts I keep having. I have written a letter to Luang Por, the Abbot, about who I am and where I am going. A monk said he will translate the letter and arrange for me to meet him.
“Dear Luang Por,
I am 28 years old and have chosen to be born into this world by an English mother whom I love and an Indian father whom I have never met. I feel everything that makes me unique comes from having no father, and equally, everything that has caused troubles or pain in my life has also come from having no father. I do not wish to find him, it is not important to me as I am happy to be me. My life has almost entirely been a journey as a student of music and it is my wish to create popular music that communicates to everyone, but that it should come from somewhere ‘divine’, whether it be traditional music or modern. My drug addiction has disabled me from attainting my dream. That is why I have come here to search for a complete picture of what my life should be. To give myself the clarity I have lost.
Thamkrabok has been a mirror to me. I have only seen what I brought inside of me, but I could never have seen it without your help.
As a child I was part of an order of Druids that worshiped nature and Stonehenge. I am now returning to that way of thinking and before I leave, I have two questions:
1. Can you help me to see better what my place in the world should be?
2. Is there something I can do to help you and Thamkrabok to show my gratitude?
Yours sincerely,
Tim Arnold
P.S. I have written over 600 songs, if you would like to hear any of them it would be an honour to play one to you.
I am very nervous about the meeting since I have never met such a holy person before, who I am told, can basically ‘see’ right through you. Anyway, an English lady called Natalie tells me the word is getting around the Monastery that there is a patient who is a musician (me!).
One of the high monks ‘Luang Na Tong’ (or Ajahn Tong), pays me a visit to give me a book and a CD that has been made by the Monastery. Luang Na Tong is interested in my Walkman recorder, which I have now been allowed to use, but it’s stopped working. He speaks almost no English, but I tell him anyway “This not work”. He takes it, and with the biggest beaming smile I’ve seen since I’ve been here, says '“Don’t worry, I can”. Then he looks at the book and CD and says “You listen. Very good”.
And then he walks out of the Hay with my Walkman. I don’t know where he’s gone, but I feel like I might be seeing a lot more of him. I felt a strong connection.
The book is an account of Luang Por’s experiments in drawing out musical notation from trees and rock formations. Apparently, researchers from Moscow University concluded that sick people listening to music made in this way began to heal from whatever they were suffering.
I am immediately fascinated. In the book it says that listening to the music made with Luang Por’s natural methods has shown that it can open the pineal gland, which can cause visions and dream states to occur. Apparently, this was used in the ancient Egyptian - Chaldean culture thousands of years ago, and it is believed that Luang Por, who is clairvoyant, discovered the music of the earth through some sort of consciousness time travel or something. This has blown my mind.
After hearing the CD, I find the melodies to be beautiful and the chord structures to be subtle, but very emotionally rousing. The only thing that doesn’t sound so great to me is the way it’s been recorded. It’s quite crude and I feel sad to think that it wouldn’t be considered seriously in the modern music world, because whoever recorded it, did it with a full heart to capture the healing sounds of the Earth.
It occurs to me that these are just notes and therefore can be reproduced in any styles at all. Suddenly, I realise what it is I may have been sent here for. This music of the Earth, until now, is being presented to a very select group of people in a way where the musical container is not being addressed. I guess that’s fine, but if the music really can heal, maybe it’s worth exploring it in a more contemporary music container?
In the West, a lot of young music fans would laugh at this music. But only because the instrumentation and production sounds dated.
To take this music and record it in a genre that may be perceived as modern, or appealing to a wider audience, could be a way to touch people with the sounds of Mother Earth, without anyone even realising what pure vibrations they are actually receiving. As I have thought for years, I would like to be in service to music to help change the world and make it a better place.
This music is written by nature and the only thing it needs is a medium to send it to the hearts of people who are suffering, all over the world. I’d quite like to be a part of that medium (if there is one). For years I have sought to better what I did with my first band, but everything is always a different version of the same thing. How exciting it could be to serve nature, and not even claim to have written the music!
I could also share any money made out of it, to go towards the monastery and their work. The possibilities are endless, since I could make new maps of different parts of the world and record the music it offers. I am ready to do this and I think to be an instrument of Nature will be my life’s purpose now. Apparently, one of the laymen who works with the Abbot talked about me to him and said a “new patient who writes his own music has arrived and has been playing well”.
The Abbot said in passing it would be nice to hear me play! I can hear my mum’s voice in my head: “Well, you’ve got another audition coming up!”. Good night.
I support these organisations who are shaping a system change to integrate mental health awareness and well-being into the music industry. Please do read about their work.
The Creative Well
Music Minds Matter
Waterbear College of Music