Chapter 9: Walking Through Walls
A Journey of Addiction, Healing, and Rediscovery
Day Nine: Sunday August 24th, 2003
At midday Phra Jan takes me on a trip so that I can make more tracings of unlocking natural music. I am prepared for walking into the wilderness to find what I am looking for but I don’t quite expect such a rigorous trek. To put it simply, I spend the afternoon mountain climbing through jungles in flip-flops and pink pyjamas.
I find two different sections of rock from the mountain to take tracings from. One of them is a clear sign that this whole area used to be under water. The third tracing, I take from a tree that is jutting out of the side of the mountain. This is quite fun because I don’t so much follow the lines of the bark, than just let the pen write over the tree trunk, and the direction of the cavities guide my hand resulting in a much more erratic pattern. Because of this, I decide to make it the first translation to work on.
Phra Jan and I walk further to explore more of the terrain, there are so many beautiful colours in the trees and fields at the bottom of the mountain, that we walked down to them. Eventually we work out that our exploring will not lead us back home as we imagined, so we turn back to re-tred our steps. By the time we are back at the monastery my feet are aching and I am covered in mosquito bites. I take a shower (which means throwing buckets of water over my head) and lie down for 15 minutes before the meditation begins with Phra Hans.
This meditation is a small group comprising of myself, G, N, S, and the new guy from Eastbourne in the UK, who has come here to cure his addiction to…cigarettes.
I feel sorry for him having to share a room with us lot, who are battling with class A’s, but I guess it’s all relative, and he’s got his own cross to bear like the rest of us. It’s quite strange in a communal rehab centre when a ‘newbie’ arrives. We’re all asking each other “what they’re in for”. The excitement about what someone else’s suffering might entail is somewhat perverse. I suppose it’s a momentary escape from focusing on your own demons. There is a palpable air of disappointment between us when we realise he is just in to stop cigarettes.
Anyway, we begin the meditation (I lie down this time because when I sit I have to keep changing positions) and I really ease into it this time to the point where I don’t know where I am. I manage to overcome all outside influence until the moment that Phra Hans starts talking. I start saying in my head “Is it the sauna now?” “Is it the national anthem or am I meant to be sweeping?”. I awaken from my weird trance and remember where I am; it must have been 20 minutes in total and I feel so peaceful. I hope I can do it again. I’ll try tomorrow, eating the same as well. I make a start on my music translation then go to the sauna after finishing the rest of my food.
The new melody I have unlocked is very jazzy, but I have only just begun it so who knows where it will take me…
I support these organisations who are shaping a system change to integrate mental health awareness and well-being into the music industry. Please do read about their work.
The Creative Well
Music Mind Matters
Waterbear College of Music